Confetti and Green Goo
by bleproxursox
Summary: Lord Voldemort and the Wicked Witch of the West go on a date


**Credit for the idea goes to my friend Hat, who I thought was high when she first suggested it**

* * *

It was just a regular day in Munchkinland. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and the birds were singing.

Unfortunately, Lord Voldemort hated birdsong. But with a few waves of his wand and a flash of green light, that problem was soon sorted. The local cats would be pleased. The Munchkins, not so much. They were quite angry, in fact. Or however angry a Munchkin can get. The little brats began to surround him, chanting in a vaguely threatening manner. They annoyed him more than the twittering birds, what with their cheeriness and their noses. The sun annoyed him too. It burnt his pale skin and made everyone happy. Come to think of it, most things annoyed him. And when things annoyed him, those same things tended to get avada kedavra'd. Apart from the sun. He'd tried to kill that and it hadn't worked, and that just made him even more angry.

And there was one thing that made him the angriest of all.

Somehow, he'd agreed to go on a date with the Wicked Witch of the West. Once he'd cleared away the Munchkins, he set off to the Yellow Brick Road cafe, where he'd agreed to meet her. He was fuming as he walked. He'd never even SEEN the damn woman, and now he'd have to sit next to her for an hour and pretend to enjoy it. He should have known that Harry and Dorothy would eventually team up and pull something like this. What had Voldemort ever done to him? Aside from killing his family and most of his friends... He was a nice guy really. Mostly. Actually, not all that much.

He walked inside the cafe, and looked around. There were a few couples sitting around the room, staring lovingly into each other's eyes. Ugh. There was a Munchkin family in the corner, with two young children screaming loudly. Children annoyed him.

And there she was. Her hair was black and her face was green. She was quite beautiful, in fact. She had some flaws - a nose for starters - but it was a nice nose, as noses go. But he still wasn't going to enjoy talking to her. He sat down in front of her.

"Hello." He said. "I am Lord Voldemort."

"I am the Wicked Witch of the West. You can call me Wick."

"And you can call me Lord Voldemort."

"Can I call you Voldy?"

"No."

"Okay, Voldy!"

"No, you can't-"

"We'll have two butterbeers over here for me and Voldy!" Wick called out to the waitress. "So, Voldy..."

"I AM LORD VOLDEMORT, THE IMMORTAL PRINCE OF DARKNESS. YOU MAY NOT. CALL. ME. VOLDY."

"But-"

"NO."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. The waitress brought them their butterbeers, and Wick took a few sips. Voldemort glared at his glass. His mind was working in overdrive. This woman - this beautiful, beautiful woman - was annoying him a lot. Really a lot. She was being so... what was the word? Happy. He didn't like it. There was something strange going on with him. His heart was beating faster, and Wick's face kept flashing into his head. He'd never felt like this before. Could it be? No. Yes. It was. This must be... some new extreme form of hatred! And we all know what happens when Lord Voldemort doesn't like something. Wick chose that moment to bread the increasingly awkward silence.

"So... What do you like to do in your spare time, Voldy? Wait, no, sorry-" But it was too late. The damage had been done. Lord Voldemort rose up from his chair, and pulled out his wand.

"DON'T. CALL. ME. VOLDY!" A flash of green light erupted from the tip of his wand, and shot past Wick's shoulder. She screeched and ducked under the table. Scrabbling out from underneath, she made a break for the door. But Lord Voldemort was faster.

"AVADA KEDAVRA" He cried, brandishing his wand in her general direction. The spell ricocheted off the window and very nearly hit one of the Munchkin family. Within second, the cafe was in chaos. People were screaming, children were crying, and Lord Voldemort was chasing the Wicked Witch of the West around the room. Green light flashed like lightning, and Wick dashed out the door. Lord Voldemort followed, and as Wick ran for her life, he pranced off into the sunset after her.

Several craters quickly formed in the Previously Yellow Brick Road, that was currently seeming to be more of an Avada-Kedavra Green. However, before too long, Lord Voldemort realised that killing Wick didn't seem to be working. In an attempt to do something, he yelled every spell he could think of at her.

Crucio. Stupefy. Confringo. Hell, he even tried Wingardium Leviosa. (But he probably pronounced it levioSA. Silly Voldemort) Expecto Patronum was useless, though. It required a happy memory, and he didn't have any.

Finaly, as a last resort, he screamed, "AGUAMENTI!" The resulting jet of water hit her full in the face.

"I'M MELTING!" She shrieked. She dissolved into a puddle of green goo on the floor.

But black confetti beats green goo.


End file.
